But Rose, you say, it’s been May for over a week now…
Shhhh, Babygirl. Wrap that sh*t up.
As this humble tutorial marks my first appearance in the lustiest month, let me explain: certain inspiring pals of mine are using the alliterative, assonant relativity (am I an asshole or what?!) of “make” and “May” to… you guessed it… make stuff! Every day!
I used to make these chard “burritos” all the time. They’re super simple, easily customizable, and better for your bod than Chipotle. Plus they’re in keeping with my renewed efforts to eat mostly raw — margaritas are vegetables in my book, though, FYI — and sometimes a lady wants a salad she can hold in her hands. Below, proof that we CAN have it all:
1. Gather your burrito components like the little squirrelfriend you are. You’ll need a giant green leaf (chard or collards), something creamy (homemade guac or hummus or cashew cheese) and whatever fillings your tastebuds desire; hacked into bits or thinly sliced lengthwise to occupy the leaf-span of your wrap.
2. File down the veins of your chosen leaf (poetic, right?) so that you can roll it up like a tortilla without its snapping.
3. Time to assemble! Spread your creamy element of choice down the center of the leaf, then pile fillings on top, covering the length of your leaf in a light layer of yum.
4. This is the hard part: pretend it’s some origami sh*t. Fold the outer edges of your leaf (3 o’ clock and 9 o’ clock, yo) inwards, covering your fillings. Then roll that puppy up from top to bottom — voila a green baby burrito!
5. Slice and serve… with a side salad if you, like me, are a glutton for green.
Truth: I’m a little embarrassed that my first legitimate make of this month is a burrito. I’ve been way too social of a butterfly lately, you guys — the past several weeks have been a flurry of whiskey drinks (those are also vegetables), bachelorette parties, concerts (Angel Olsen and Wolfmother!), podcast tapings, new friends, internet friends who are now real friends, etc. etc. etc. Second truth: you know I got that social butterfly game, but in my heart of hearts, I’m more like one of those weird hairy caterpillars, and as such, I need to inch along artfully and be selective about how I spend my time with all the other bugs… at least for a little while. So…
I’m taking a brief make-cation! Like a staycation, but I’ll be making. And falling in love with writing again. And finishing some half-completed projects that I’ve left around the apartment to mock me. Also, I’ll be sleeping and farting around because THAT’S ALL PART OF MY ARTISTIC PROCESS, or so I tell myself.
Love you all! You’ll be hearing from me real soon!
XOXO,
Rose
